I know deep down that I'm a girl, and I've known for years. but I'm also 6' 2" and I played football in high school. If I were to transition, I'd look like a weird burly guy wearing a dress.
I used to want to kill myself, but my doctor put me on an ssri, and now I just feel hollow and lifeless. Part of me wants to stop taking my meds just so I can work up the courage to kill myself so I don't have to live my entire life hating myself